Uncertain Times
Eight years ago today, I sat 37.5 weeks pregnant in the passenger seat of our minivan as Chad drove us to the hospital. The ride there was pretty much silent, each of us with a million thoughts running through our heads. We'd just driven away from home where Miss Peyton sat staring at us through the front window, waving with Grandma & Grandpa – at just 21 months old, she had no idea what was about to happen. During the car ride to the hospital, my mind was racing with a bazillion questions:
...so many questions.
As we pulled in to the parking lot at the hospital, Chris Tomlin's "How Great Is Our God" came on the radio. Chad parked the car. We both sat there, motionless. Then the tears started rolling down my face as the song reached the chorus:
I couldn't hold it in any longer, all the uncertainty and anxiety after having just had an appointment at Children's Hospital with specialists to try and find out what issues Miss Peyton would struggle with as a result of her birth injury – it all just spilled out. We sat there in the car and melted in to the dreaded "ugly cry". So much to process all at once. And so much uncertainty. I'll never forget that moment.
After we pulled ourselves together, we headed in to the hospital to get checked-in. The rest of the morning was actually quite relaxing...says the woman who, with the first baby, after pushing for nearly 4 hours to deliver a 10lb., 4oz. baby, with nurses running around frantically at the end and jumping up on the bed to help push the baby out, turned to her husband and said, "Huh. That wasn't as bad as I expected". As our doctor came in to visit, he spent plenty of time with us making sure we were comfortable with everything. He popped back in several other times to chat and see how things were going. Finally, about 3:00pm it was time – and Dr. Elias was there with us nearly as excited as we were to meet Baby #2. At 3:22pm Carson James Libby, weighing in at 8lbs. 4 oz. was in my arms, and Chad and I were both marveling at what a completely different experience this delivery had been.
Looking back over the past 8 years, it's truly been incredible to see all that God's done in our family. Carson is growing up to be such a sweet, compassionate boy with a zest for life! We had his conferences at school the other day and his teacher went on and on about what a great kid he is – always willing to help out, always upbeat and smiling, always giving everything his best effort, and always keeping an eye out for classmates who may need "help". This past weekend I sat on the sidelines at the Special Olympics Basketball Tournament and watched as Carson {the "assistant coach"} helped Chad {the "real coach"} coach one of the half-court teams he's been helping at practice each week. I love watching him work with the athletes – he's got such an understanding of how to relate to them...probably because he hasn't known any different since day one living with his sister. But I love it nonetheless.
I'm not gonna lie, I teared up watching him encourage and cheer on the athletes on his team – he ran to center court jumping up and down with excitement as they won their final game, securing first place in their division. He was BEAMING when he got to be in the photo with the team at the awards presentation...and my heart was beaming as I saw this incredible little man standing there on the other side of the camera. I can't imagine life without him, and I'm so thankful God has allowed Chad and I to be his parents! I love being your mommy, sweet Carson!
I've shared with Carson the story about hearing "How Great Is Our God" as we were about to go check-in to the hospital the day he was born, and now when he hears it he smiles and says, "Hey Mom - it's my song!". How great IS our God. Worthy of all our praise. Worthy of all our time and energy. Because He has GREAT things planned for those who love Him, follow Him, and trust Him...even in times of uncertainty. Especially in times of uncertainty.
Happy birthday, little man! We love you!
"Were we making the right choice to be induced early?"
"Should we have chosen to wait until 39 weeks and do a c-section?"
"Did we make the right decision, switching doctors just a week earlier as we sought someone who would listen to our concerns that THIS baby would be big, too?"
"Would this baby end up with a birth injury like his big sister?"
...so many questions.
As we pulled in to the parking lot at the hospital, Chris Tomlin's "How Great Is Our God" came on the radio. Chad parked the car. We both sat there, motionless. Then the tears started rolling down my face as the song reached the chorus:
"How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God"
I couldn't hold it in any longer, all the uncertainty and anxiety after having just had an appointment at Children's Hospital with specialists to try and find out what issues Miss Peyton would struggle with as a result of her birth injury – it all just spilled out. We sat there in the car and melted in to the dreaded "ugly cry". So much to process all at once. And so much uncertainty. I'll never forget that moment.
After we pulled ourselves together, we headed in to the hospital to get checked-in. The rest of the morning was actually quite relaxing...says the woman who, with the first baby, after pushing for nearly 4 hours to deliver a 10lb., 4oz. baby, with nurses running around frantically at the end and jumping up on the bed to help push the baby out, turned to her husband and said, "Huh. That wasn't as bad as I expected". As our doctor came in to visit, he spent plenty of time with us making sure we were comfortable with everything. He popped back in several other times to chat and see how things were going. Finally, about 3:00pm it was time – and Dr. Elias was there with us nearly as excited as we were to meet Baby #2. At 3:22pm Carson James Libby, weighing in at 8lbs. 4 oz. was in my arms, and Chad and I were both marveling at what a completely different experience this delivery had been.
Looking back over the past 8 years, it's truly been incredible to see all that God's done in our family. Carson is growing up to be such a sweet, compassionate boy with a zest for life! We had his conferences at school the other day and his teacher went on and on about what a great kid he is – always willing to help out, always upbeat and smiling, always giving everything his best effort, and always keeping an eye out for classmates who may need "help". This past weekend I sat on the sidelines at the Special Olympics Basketball Tournament and watched as Carson {the "assistant coach"} helped Chad {the "real coach"} coach one of the half-court teams he's been helping at practice each week. I love watching him work with the athletes – he's got such an understanding of how to relate to them...probably because he hasn't known any different since day one living with his sister. But I love it nonetheless.
I've shared with Carson the story about hearing "How Great Is Our God" as we were about to go check-in to the hospital the day he was born, and now when he hears it he smiles and says, "Hey Mom - it's my song!". How great IS our God. Worthy of all our praise. Worthy of all our time and energy. Because He has GREAT things planned for those who love Him, follow Him, and trust Him...even in times of uncertainty. Especially in times of uncertainty.
"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
and no mind has imagined
the things that God has prepared
for those who love him."
• I Corinthians 2:9 •
Happy birthday, little man! We love you!
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